A gargogly looking guyWhen a potential project looks like it will incur drama – like for example the client acting obnoxious, irritable – these are called red flags. There were so many red flags for my most recent bitch potential client (I am sorry for the swearing – I don’t know if this person is a bitch, I’m just saying she was acting like a bitch) – that the project looked like a ski obstacle course in the Olympics.
Now the work itself sounded right up my alley and very engaging and challenging to me – it required me to create a web app that would allow students to get essays written for them by teachers. The app would need a backend which I could do for both the teachers and the students to monitor the work. All in all it would be something fun to work on.
But – I can’t have everything.
The Phone Call
The phone call is where everything began to get sour shaped – prior to that we were communicating by email and everything was ok – however when this sexy client called me everything changed.
Firstly – her picture kind of put me off – when I saw it on my WhatsApp incoming call. Some blonde girl – did I know this girl from the past?
“Hello?” I asked.
It was the client – and like most sexy girls who are trying way too hard to be professional and taken seriously – she had the chalkboard sound about her that just irritated me – probably spurned by my deep unconscious resentment and viscious rage towards my mother.
“Yes, it’s Champagne – how are you?” (not her real name – but it’s very similar)
Shit – what kind of girl is named Champagne who is not a stripper? (again not her real name)
Anyway we started talking and at first everything was going well – we were going over some points and then the issues started.
It all happened to do with a theme – or template. What i wanted her to do is buy a template (or more precisely a framework) – and then send me the login details for the website so I could play around with it.
The client flat out refused to do that – and wanted me to buy it and send her an invoice for it. This really rattled me. Firstly – I felt like I wasn’t appreciated for offering to actually even look at this framework on a Sunday – a weekend – and secondly – just… I don’t like when clients don’t do what I ask them to do!
Here is some sample correspondence (names changed to protect the guilty)
Thanks for sending that over – and are you ok to go with that theme framework I sent over (if I can get it working to your specifications)?
I’d be happy with that theme (redacted) if you can determine that there won’t be issues ahead of time.
Have you done the research that you needed to now? I believe you will need to determine if you can infact use that theme framework before commencing the project, in order to provide me with an accurate estimate and a list of tasks that will be completed.
Happy to go ahead, but would you kindly do the research initially to provide an outline of exactly what you are proposing, how it will be solved and the cost?
Available to chat anytime this weekend.
Sure – I completely understand your need for more info as it’s a completely different direction than what you had intially proposed.
What I was actually thinking of is if you could purchase that template (it’s $89USD) and I could play around with it and create a sample project and look at the backend and see how it looks – you can check it out too once it’s setup. The way that it would work is we would have one provider (your site in this case) with the same checkout proccess – but the only difference is that it would be assigned to a teacher (service provider) upon completion of the order based on certain rules.
I’m confident that it will work – the only thing is I don’t want to send a question to the theme support and then wait for answers – because it could take 3 days for them to get back to us – and your timeframe is very limited – so we have to move fast.
Also it depends on the theme support – sometimes the support is really good on these frameworks – and they can get into the nitty gritty of the code and give me really good support to get everything done – and it also depends on how quickly they can respond to my issues (and then there’s how we work together – how good our communication is and factors like that) – all these factors will determine if the project can get complete within the time frame you required.
What I do know is that this will be waaaay quicker and look much better than doing it through different plugins – plus the support will be there to handle any issues that you may have – so we’re putting ourselves in a better line of success by aligning with a platform that gives us support and does most of the things we need.
If you can purchase that theme today I can install it tomorrow and play around with a sample project and see how it looks on the backend – and then I can send them a support request informing them what we are after – they do say Satisfaction Guaranteed on their sales page so if they say that they can’t help hopefully you can get a refund – but it’s just waiting to find out if it does work and moving slow like that is going to ensure the project is not going to get completed within the time frame you require.
Hope that is to your satisfaction – regarding updated estimates and things of that nature of how I’ll approach it – I’d like to actually look into it to see how everything would work. I could have it completed in 25 hours if all goes well.
P.S. Do you have WhatsApp?
Talking to this bitch on the phone was a big mistake.
So anyway she just didn’t want to purchase the theme – which I found quite rude – because I was willing to have a look into the template for free on my time on the weekend in consideration of her project.
Instead she wanted me to send her an invoice for the theme – which she would then pay – and she was willing to send me a receipt – and then I would buy the theme.
There was only one problem – firstly I would be out of money from my own pocket – in order to work for free on the weekend – something I was unwilling to do. The second issue is that I don’t want to create an invoice – because it takes time – and I don’t want to deal with it unless some of my hours are added to the invoice – speaking of which…
“Ok, do you mind if I create the invoice – and add 5 hours of my own time to that then?”
“Well, I don’t even know if this approach is going to work,” the bitch responded, “this is part of the proposal stage.”
So this bitch wants me to work on her project on the weekend – take money out of my pocket to do it – and wants it all done as part of the ‘proposal stage’ even though I had all ready given her an estimate.
Not to mention the framework I had sent her was going to make her site look much better – because the direction she had foolishly chosen to go without any outside input – using a template and system that was completely not designed for it – I had rectified by showing her the way – and no thank you in either direction like
“Wow Kosta, this is going to do everything I needed it to do – wow, thank you for taking your time to research this.”
What a fucking bitch.
And you know what the worst thing is?
Here I am scraping to do the best I can – not being appreciated – but I have no other options on the plate.
Recently I was watching this YouTube video:
A gargoyle looking guy talking about getting 5 solid web development leads in 2 hours.
So why the fuck don’t I do that?
Let me show you how bad it’s gotten – I could speak all day long about my depraved sexual fetishes of cuckolding, financial domination (yes that’s a real thing that I’m into), the sexual abuse I suffered at the hands of my mother – I love that stuff. I love that negativity (that’s why this post is tagged ‘Negativity’ just like so many of my other posts) – I love to mire in it, to beach in it and spread it around my body
What I am most afraid of talking about – is the opportunities. The potential.
And it’s gotten so bad that I have a client who pays me very well – whose website is not 100% complete – and whom I have not contacted to see if I could help him. There’s literally money sitting there waiting to be made – and I am just sitting it out.
Here’s a list of all the things I should be doing – that I’m not doing:
- SEO – I’ve somehow got up to page #1 for ‘wordpress developer sydney’ – but I literally do nothing as far as SEO goes. I don’t monitor where I’m at – I don’t take pro-active measures or engage in dialogue online on how to increase my rankings. How to get those juicy keywords – I don’t even check what keywords clients come to me from.
- Cold Calling and Follow Up – I don’t follow up clients. I don’t just mean clients that have finished working with me – I’m talking about sites that are 90% finished and I know the client is loaded and wants to finish his project. I would rather just not call because – well that’s a whole other blog post.
- Paid Advertising – recently Google sent me an email saying that they will match me – dollar for dollar – for the amount I spend on their advertising platform up to $150. Of course – I won’t take advantage of this offer. In fact I will be spending a total of $0 on paid advertising this week and month – while spending over $80 on chocolate and sugar based candy. This shows where my priorities are – in the melting of sugar coated goodness over actually getting off the dole.
- Just General Learning’ – recently I’ve been reading a book called ‘Abundance’ (something I don’t have) – about how soon everyone in the world will have an abundance of their basic needs met (water, electricity, internet etc.) I LOVE science books that make me feel smart – those big level ideas. What I don’t like is books that are practical and focused on what I need to do – god forbid I should read one of those books and be reminded of what I’m not doing. This includees webinars from GoDaddy Pro, WP Elevation podcasts and learning materials, sales/marketing materials from people in my industry – you know, the important stuff. The stuff that is actually going to help me get off the dole in a practical way? No way I’m reading that!
- Networking – actually meeting people doing what I do. I remember missing out on going to a networking event at the Gold Coast because I had masturabted all through the afternoon. I am extremely afraid of interacting with people. By the way this includes offline AND online networking.
- Mentors – I don’t have mentors who have achieved what I want to achieve – I don’t look to them on social media or hook into what they have to say. I don’t have anyone that guides me, I’m completely isolated.
And that’s not even mentioning how I’m lazy in general in completing the work I’m assigned – and completely undisciplined in my plans.
And let’s not even mention my limited work capacity – I am a mere mortal after all – and if I had a ton of clients I probably wouldn’t know how to service them anyway.
But instead of setting up capacity to deal with incoming leads, a filtering system, discipline and doing it all to get off the dole – I will instead complain about one particular client.