The Fear of Stepping Into My Destiny – Writings of a Person I Could Have Been

Below I will take off my mask of victimhood, helplesness, despair and worthlesness and step into the shoes of someone who is the exact opposite of those things. This person does not ask for permission to pursue his dreams or aim for great heights – he just does them.

So I will be writing from the perspective of this phantom person – whom by the way I will call “Rico”.

Rico is tough – he puts his mind to things and does them, he’s quick on his feet, he’s cool and not phased by pressure, he knows what he wants and goes for it – at the exclusion of all other distractions, he is an animal – but he does it all for the benefit of the human race as a whole, Rico will tell you exactly what he wants – and will tell you why you should give it to him – he knows and understands you better than you understand yourself – he has integrity and has seen the worst of human nature and is unphased by the beast that lurks within every person because he has seen and made peace with his own beast. Rico suffers no fools and knows how to handle everyone that comes his way – that is not part of his mission – with grace. Rico – is a winner.

And I am not Rico. But I can act like Rico – if only for one blog post. So, let me start by saying I am not Rico – I am merely “acting” like Rico – would you be ok if I acted like Rico? I hope you are – if not I would be very interested in hearing your opinion – and please if you disagree I should be Rico – then I am actually very angry about that – I will argue you with you passive agressively for an hour and then hold a grudge for the next couple of days. Also if you don’t like me – I wonder what you are thinking of doing to me – and I am afraid. Anyway you get the point – this is anti-Rico. So, what would Rico do?

Rico would write a blog post like this.

In order to have MVP to bring to market to utilize complete financial independence I will list down the requirements from research, marketing, sales, execution and on-going support.


This will include the products to include to get the most amount of users interested in working with me – and which carry the highest possible benefit for the client – with the least possible amount of work or alternatively that can be outsourced most efficiently.

These can include the following

  • Web Development
  • Social media setup
  • Search engine optimisation
  • Copywriting
  • AdWords
  • Social media advertising
  • Email Marketing

And would also include the benefits for each section.

Also I would include a quesiton and answer as to what product would be most beneficial as far as what I would offer and what would match my skills – and I would do in-person research with people online in communities such as Reddit, Quora, forums, social media etc.

Also I would research how best to deliver a particular product to a customer.


Marketing is how I would either promote or create collateral for my sales efforts. This could include the basics from a phone script/email script to a page dedicated to these services online.

Ok, there is Rico. Now it’s time for me to punish myself for trying to be Rico.

As far as the marketing for this goes – it would include a focused push on one sales strategy – for example cold calling or email marketing.

Example Strategy

Calling websites that currently are not mobile optimised to get their site optimised and upgraded to a slick website at $99p/m including hosting – and I would find these clients by cold calling them.


As far as sales go – this would be the proccess by which I would contact clients – which in most cases would be on the phone or by email – but could include more sophisticated forms of communication also such as paid advertising etc.


This would include how a project would be executed. Since I have done this before it would mostly be in WhatsApp or through email that the project would be executed.

On-going support

This is where I would provide my value to clients on an on-going basis to ensure that they are getting the best service for their monthly spend.

Once all these elements come together I can start working on a plan to become financially independent.

And there you have it – Rico – someone who just puts everything together and makes it happen.

The Bitch – My Annoying, Sexy, Manipulative Client and Why I need to Get More Leads (Instead of Complaining about Annoying, Sexy, Manipulative Clients)


A gargogly looking guyWhen a potential project looks like it will incur drama – like for example the client acting obnoxious, irritable – these are called red flags. There were so many red flags for my most recent bitch potential client (I am sorry for the swearing – I don’t know if this person is a bitch, I’m just saying she was acting like a bitch) – that the project looked like a ski obstacle course in the Olympics.

Now the work itself sounded right up my alley and very engaging and challenging to me – it required me to create a web app that would allow students to get essays written for them by teachers. The app would need a backend which I could do for both the teachers and the students to monitor the work. All in all it would be something fun to work on.

But – I can’t have everything.

The Phone Call

The phone call is where everything began to get sour shaped – prior to that we were communicating by email and everything was ok – however when this sexy client called me everything changed.

Firstly – her picture kind of put me off – when I saw it on my WhatsApp incoming call. Some blonde girl – did I know this girl from the past?

“Hello?” I asked.

It was the client – and like most sexy girls who are trying way too hard to be professional and taken seriously – she had the chalkboard sound about her that just irritated me – probably spurned by my deep unconscious resentment and viscious rage towards my mother.

“Yes, it’s Champagne – how are you?” (not her real name – but it’s very similar)

Shit – what kind of girl is named Champagne who is not a stripper? (again not her real name)

Anyway we started talking and at first everything was going well – we were going over some points and then the issues started.

It all happened to do with a theme – or template. What i wanted her to do is buy a template (or more precisely a framework) – and then send me the login details for the website so I could play around with it.

The client flat out refused to do that – and wanted me to buy it and send her an invoice for it. This really rattled me. Firstly – I felt like I wasn’t appreciated for offering to actually even look at this framework on a Sunday – a weekend – and secondly – just… I don’t like when clients don’t do what I ask them to do!

Here is some sample correspondence (names changed to protect the guilty)


Hi Bitch,

Thanks for sending that over – and are you ok to go with that theme framework I sent over (if I can get it working to your specifications)?



Hi Kosta

I’d be happy with that theme (redacted) if you can determine that there won’t be issues ahead of time.

Have you done the research that you needed to now? I believe you will need to determine if you can infact use that theme framework before commencing the project, in order to provide me with an accurate estimate and a list of tasks that will be completed.

Happy to go ahead, but would you kindly do the research initially to provide an outline of exactly what you are proposing, how it will be solved and the cost?

Available to chat anytime this weekend.



Hi Bitch,

Sure – I completely understand your need for more info as it’s a completely different direction than what you had intially proposed.

What I was actually thinking of is if you could purchase that template (it’s $89USD) and I could play around with it and create a sample project and look at the backend and see how it looks – you can check it out too once it’s setup. The way that it would work is we would have one provider (your site in this case) with the same checkout proccess – but the only difference is that it would be assigned to a teacher (service provider) upon completion of the order based on certain rules.

I’m confident that it will work – the only thing is I don’t want to send a question to the theme support and then wait for answers – because it could take 3 days for them to get back to us – and your timeframe is very limited – so we have to move fast.

Also it depends on the theme support – sometimes the support is really good on these frameworks – and they can get into the nitty gritty of the code and give me really good support to get everything done – and it also depends on how quickly they can respond to my issues (and then there’s how we work together – how good our communication is and factors like that) – all these factors will determine if the project can get complete within the time frame you required.

What I do know is that this will be waaaay quicker and look much better than doing it through different plugins – plus the support will be there to handle any issues that you may have – so we’re putting ourselves in a better line of success by aligning with a platform that gives us support and does most of the things we need.

If you can purchase that theme today I can install it tomorrow and play around with a sample project and see how it looks on the backend – and then I can send them a support request informing them what we are after – they do say Satisfaction Guaranteed on their sales page so if they say that they can’t help hopefully you can get a refund – but it’s just waiting to find out if it does work and moving slow like that is going to ensure the project is not going to get completed within the time frame you require.

Hope that is to your satisfaction – regarding updated estimates and things of that nature of how I’ll approach it – I’d like to actually look into it to see how everything would work. I could have it completed in 25 hours if all goes well.

P.S. Do you have WhatsApp?

Talking to this bitch on the phone was a big mistake.

So anyway she just didn’t want to purchase the theme – which I found quite rude – because I was willing to have a look into the template for free on my time on the weekend in consideration of her project.

Instead she wanted me to send her an invoice for the theme – which she would then pay – and she was willing to send me a receipt – and then I would buy the theme.

There was only one problem – firstly I would be out of money from my own pocket – in order to work for free on the weekend – something I was unwilling to do. The second issue is that I don’t want to create an invoice – because it takes time – and I don’t want to deal with it unless some of my hours are added to the invoice – speaking of which…

“Ok, do you mind if I create the invoice – and add 5 hours of my own time to that then?”

“Well, I don’t even know if this approach is going to work,” the bitch responded, “this is part of the proposal stage.”

So this bitch wants me to work on her project on the weekend – take money out of my pocket to do it – and wants it all done as part of the ‘proposal stage’ even though I had all ready given her an estimate.

Not to mention the framework I had sent her was going to make her site look much better – because the direction she had foolishly chosen to go without any outside input – using a template and system that was completely not designed for it – I had rectified by showing her the way – and no thank you in either direction like

“Wow Kosta, this is going to do everything I needed it to do – wow, thank you for taking your time to research this.”

What a fucking bitch.

And you know what the worst thing is?

Here I am scraping to do the best I can – not being appreciated – but I have no other options on the plate.

Recently I was watching this YouTube video:

A gargoyle looking guy talking about getting 5 solid web development leads in 2 hours.

So why the fuck don’t I do that?

Let me show you how bad it’s gotten – I could speak all day long about my depraved sexual fetishes of cuckolding, financial domination (yes that’s a real thing that I’m into), the sexual abuse I suffered at the hands of my mother – I love that stuff. I love that negativity (that’s why this post is tagged ‘Negativity’ just like so many of my other posts) – I love to mire in it, to beach in it and spread it around my body


What I am most afraid of talking about – is the opportunities. The potential.

And it’s gotten so bad that I have a client who pays me very well – whose website is not 100% complete – and whom I have not contacted to see if I could help him. There’s literally money sitting there waiting to be made – and I am just sitting it out.

Here’s a list of all the things I should be doing – that I’m not doing:

  1. SEO – I’ve somehow got up to page #1 for ‘wordpress developer sydney’ – but I literally do nothing as far as SEO goes. I don’t monitor where I’m at – I don’t take pro-active measures or engage in dialogue online on how to increase my rankings. How to get those juicy keywords – I don’t even check what keywords clients come to me from.
  2. Cold Calling and Follow Up – I don’t follow up clients. I don’t just mean clients that have finished working with me – I’m talking about sites that are 90% finished and I know the client is loaded and wants to finish his project. I would rather just not call because – well that’s a whole other blog post.
  3. Paid Advertising – recently Google sent me an email saying that they will match me – dollar for dollar – for the amount I spend on their advertising platform up to $150. Of course – I won’t take advantage of this offer. In fact I will be spending a total of $0 on paid advertising this week and month – while spending over $80 on chocolate and sugar based candy. This shows where my priorities are – in the melting of sugar coated goodness over actually getting off the dole.
  4. Just General Learning’ – recently I’ve been reading a book called ‘Abundance’ (something I don’t have) – about how soon everyone in the world will have an abundance of their basic needs met (water, electricity, internet etc.) I LOVE science books that make me feel smart – those big level ideas. What I don’t like is books that are practical and focused on what I need to do – god forbid I should read one of those books and be reminded of what I’m not doing. This includees webinars from GoDaddy Pro, WP Elevation podcasts and learning materials, sales/marketing materials from people in my industry – you know, the important stuff. The stuff that is actually going to help me get off the dole in a practical way? No way I’m reading that!
  5. Networking – actually meeting people doing what I do. I remember missing out on going to a networking event at the Gold Coast because I had masturabted all through the afternoon. I am extremely afraid of interacting with people. By the way this includes offline AND online networking.
  6. Mentors – I don’t have mentors who have achieved what I want to achieve – I don’t look to them on social media or hook into what they have to say. I don’t have anyone that guides me, I’m completely isolated.

And that’s not even mentioning how I’m lazy in general in completing the work I’m assigned – and completely undisciplined in my plans.

And let’s not even mention my limited work capacity – I am a mere mortal after all – and if I had a ton of clients I probably wouldn’t know how to service them anyway.

But instead of setting up capacity to deal with incoming leads, a filtering system, discipline and doing it all to get off the dole – I will instead complain about one particular client.


The Dark Cloud of my Laptop Scratch – and the Silver Lining of Online Tutoring and Painting Services

I don’t know why I dropped the laptop – right on the cold tile floor. I’ll never forget the scratching sound it made as it hit. My room mate – the guy I despise and am irritated by tried to make me feel better

“They’re tough those things,” he said.

My laptop bag has a backpack type strap inside – that allows me to secure my laptop so it won’t fall out even if the zipper is open – but I never did that – it was too much effort for me.

I picked up the laptop and quickly put it on the table and turned on the power button – my eyes bulging and checking the little light that comes on near the keyboard before the whole thing fires up – I breathed a sigh of relief as it did… but it didn’t stop there.

It wouldn’t be the first time where the computer looked like it was working – only to come up with some random unexpected error. It was only 6 months ago that I was in a hardware supply store – unscrewing the top of my laptop with a screwdriver to check a potential disconnected screw – when the laptop would power on and then die immediately.

Some people are afraid of terrorist chemical attacks, sexual predators or whatever else is scary – I am afraid of the blue screen of death.

The computer was working – but that wasn’t the end of it. The culmination of all my fears had a chance to come to the surface – if even for a moment – and now the thoughts of self harm and self hatred could begin.

It all started as I was walking up the hill to get to the temple – with my bruised but intact laptop – strapped in snug and fit – in my laptop bag.

The shadow man appeared behind a tree and started walking behind me.

“So, this is where you are huh? At a spiritual village for losers – look at everyone – they are all incapable of existing in the real world and competing in the economic landscape. Losers – just like you. You’re trying to be a web developer. Ha! You can’t even have your laptop not fall out of your bag.”

“You know,” I respond to the shadow man as he jumps up in a tree, “I’m probably not the first to drop a laptop.”

The shadow man gets in my face and grabs my arm.

“Why don’t you get a knife and just put it deep into that vein and start plucking out those little veins?”

“Fuck!” I scream out in anger, I really hate this shadow man, but more so I hate myself – I hate every part of me.

This right here – is the eye of the storm – it’s scaling up now – and it’s about to get worse as I sit down at the table in the temple. In fact the shadow man has almost dissapeared – until I take the laptop and see… scratch marks. Were they there before? Or did they appear after I dropped the laptop?

Flash backs come back to me.

Returning my laptop to the Macbook Store in Sydney – and the man at the Genius Bar showing me a photo of the hard drive – with an x-ray photo – showing my semen all over the motherboard – telling me it couldn’t be returned (I used to masturbate right on the back of the laptop) – I’ll leave you with that image for a while.

My laptop not turning on – and my heart pulpatating as I troubleshoot issues and wonder if I will ever get it back.

Losing a laptop is a big problem when the amount of money in your bank account is less than the cost of replacing one. It’s kind of like a jock getting a scratch on his souped up muscle car – except if the muscle car actually made the jock money – rather than just help him get the attention of girls.

“And by the way,” my shadow side said, putting its hands on my shoulders as I sat with all these thoughts running through my head, “how is it that you’ve been a developer for 10 years or so – and you still can’t make enough money to get off Centrelink? Hell you can’t even make enough money to be able to buy another laptop? I’ll tell you why. Because you’re a failure!”

That night I wasn’t able to work on my client’s site – and I instead went to the temple and meditated – and that calmed me down for a little while. The next day the dark clouds were still over me – but I was slowly clearing away from them.

And then bingo – 2 clients gave me verbal confirmation that they want to work with me.

Actually they were two different types of clients. The first one was just your standard website – which by the way – I charged a monthly retainer fee for. The other was a development project to which I gave a hard quote on. The second one was a doody – a custom teacher portal for allowing students to get essays written (you know, students that don’t want to study) – but it’s a succulent, juicy project to sink my brain into.

The problem is – the client is a bitch.

Actually let’s not get too ahead of ourselves.

As clients start poring through my vision for life starts to become more concrete.

I stand out in the winter cold at the wooden bus stop mid way up to the temple – because that’s where the reception is – and look up at a nice house up on the hill – I had never noticed it before but it is quite spacious. In this spiritual community perhaps the guy that owns it is God.

I think to myself – “Yes, I’ll have a nice house like that someday – and it will be full of people who love me.”

Wait, scratch that.

“I will be able to vacation in a house like that, going wherever I please – and everyone will love me wherever I go.”

But as I was looking up at that house everything seemed ok.

I just had a client contact me and tell me he was going ahead with a website for his painting business – and I had another client tell me they would like to use me for a tutor website. Everything was going according to plan.

At that moment I felt I had control over my life.

With the painting company – that was the first time I got a verbal agreement to a monthly contract – only a few days after I had written about it – it shows how quickly things can manifest when I write them down. I even wrote a contract right from the get go – and got him to agree to it.

Clients were coming back – and I was looking forward to having a purpose that would give me egoic benefit again – that is – being able to do “high level” work instead of “low level work” of digging holes in the garden beds and shovelling cow crap – all though in all honesty the low level work is more enjoyable and I probably get paid more for it if I take into account all the stress and work I do on my business.




Fuck Everything – How I Throw Everything Away Just as It’s Close – My Dark Twin that Stares at me Through the Mirror

I stood outside the reading room in the chilly night reading the message from my client:

“Hi Kosta, thanks very much for your work to date on my site, but I’m afraid I am going to have to get someone else to finish the detail as we just need to keep it moving and complete it. I think you may have other priorities at present, which is fine, but won’t work for my deadlines. All the best, David.”

My heart sank – that night I ended up looking up porn on my laptop in my room – breaking my 2 weeks of sobriety from that addiction. I was back on the roller coaster of my testostorone driven animal.

I had other priorities all right – a few days earlier I had a girl (let’s call her Laura) by the river bed – my hands all over her tits. She was one of the most beautiful girls – no scrap that – the most beautiful girl I’d had the pleasure of sexually connecting with. And she was all over me like a dog on heat.

We lay in the grassy knoll – in the darkness – this girl looked more beauitiful under the moonlight then in the daytime – she had told me about 30 minutes ago that she really liked me – I told her I liked her too – and she told me that she wanted to take me somewhere private and kiss me – and I complied.

The hottest girl in the village – by far – literally eating out of my hand, to the point of being obsessed with me – and a client whose work was right up my alley. I’m talking about a client whose website I had completed 90% of the way through – and I threw it all away.

Of course – I would love to complain that girls don’t like me – it helps me to play the victim. But deep inside I know they do.

And I would also like to think there is a giant force up against me and the road to success – because it allows me to be the hero of my tale. The hero of a tale in a story stuck in the stage of struggle in perpetuity – like a still frame (or scene) from the early parts of the movie 8 Mile – as I master playing the scared B. Rabbit for days, months and years on end.

I don’t want to admit that I’ve had chances thrown at me at every turn – and I have dropped the ball on every occassion.

What I need to do – at this point in my life – as I am 31 and about to move into a tent – is look at the man in the mirror.

Who is this man in the mirror? Who is this man who wraps his tentacles around me and tackles me as I am just about to run to the end zone of my field of dreams? Actually – more importantly – what does he sound like?

He grips me in fear and worry, that I won’t be good enough – and he echoes to me the voices of ancestors past that have passed their fear and worry on to me.

“They don’t like you, you’ve just exposed yourself as someone who is not professional – who doesn’t know ‘the ways’ of the winners. They have sniffed you out – they know who you really are.”

“What’s the point. Just give up all ready – you’ve tried – you’ve given it a good run. It is what it is – accept defeat – others win, you don’t.”

“Stay in bed, meditate – don’t go to yoga. It’s warm in here – you’re going to not be motivated anyway. It’s so toasty here, so warm – just relax.”

“You’re going to fail – these projects are on and you’re going to fail – just like you failed every single time before.”

“Why don’t girls like you? Tell me – actually come up with 10 reasons.”

“I need to work – I’m a failure, I can just wait a little while.”

And even when clients are on the door the man in the mirror will rise

“It’s too much work, they’re taking advantage of you. Stand up for yourself or they will pummel you! Just like all your dads did – they will leave you with nothing.”

“You have done well – everything you planned to do has work! Now just go outside and listen to hip hop music and get lost in it. Yes, you are a rapper now – yes, do you see everyone paying attention to you? Look, who is that – is that someone looking at you? Look away they are about to attack you physically! Ha! Look at how scared you are – are you a baby? And here you are thinking you will be a rapper! You are a joke! You never achieved your dreams of being a rapper – you were too scared – you’re all alone and weird – everyone thinks you’re a joke – now go and work on your client stuff – I hope you’re all exhausted and angry now – make sure you take that out on your clients!”

So there you have the dark twin.

I will have to confront this dark twin – if I want to get off the dole – because the last thing it wants me to do is to be free.


Disability Support Pension and Tent City Life

Tomorrow I have an appointment with Centrelink – actually the name of the appointment is a Job Capacity Assessment. This is where I will have to prove that I’m retarded enough to the point of simply being unable to find work.

The idea is I come into this appointment – and act as incompetent as I can so the person on the other end says

“There is no way anyone would hire this guy.”

This will put me on the Disability Support Pension if approved – what this means is that Centrelink will lay off me – put me in the category of “too hard” and just let me work on my business – or some other simple, relaxed activity.

Comfort is the poison of the warrior’s soul – and I know this – on one hand I don’t want Centrelink to go easy on me – in my darkest dreams – which I don’t want to admit – I want Centrelink to force me to work 20 hours a week to get the dole – leading me to put it in the too hard basket – and voila – my goal has been achieved!

The alternative is to just do farm work – put my hands in the soil 6 days a week and live in a tent – doing this would make me free from Centrelink – and would still give me time to work on my business until I get it up and running.

This however – requires the planning of putting up a tent – which I am afraid of doing – because what if I try and fail? I will look silly and I won’t be able to get the tent out of my sight to avoid the memory of my failure.

Anyway let’s fast forward now to the present.

The Centrelink appointment has been attended – the appointment where a woman was to judge whether or not I was incapacitated enough to not look for work. I put on my heavy leather jacket – which looked quite dishevelled – over my crisp, clean looking shirt. Coming to a Centrelink Job Capacity assessment is like coming to the reverse of a job Interview – I have to basically dress the opposite of what an employable, well adjusted person would look like. I considered adding a certain uncontrollable tick to my mannerism to bring across uncomfortability to the Job Capacity lady and at the same time make her see anyone who would be willing to hire me would be crazy, but also adjust my eyes in a sad melancholy stare to elicit sympathy for the most benefits.

A full incapacitation status was not achieved – this is basically Centrelink certifying me a total vegetable incapable of being of use to anybody – however I was transferred to a Disability Job Network Provider – which is a step in the right direction. Rather than the standard Job Network Provider which I currently have – which basically treats me like a full bodied person capable of providing for myself and treats me as such – along with the disdain of the subtext of “You should have a job by now” – I will now be with a Job Network Provider that accepts that I have mental problems – which means they must be much nicer to me and I will not be pushed as much.

Back at the Hare Krishna village a German guy with a six pack who is working on a construction site and who has a weird German accent that is very succinct – is helping me with a tent that I have brought out to him. The tent is lying at his feet and he has asked me to check that there are two poles available to setup the tent (I had found the tent in the Woofer shed for free).

“This is a very basic tent,” the German six pack guy says, “this is the most basic tent that is out there.”

“Well, does it work?” I ask him.

“There is only one wall on this tent,” the German says, “so the walls will be wet. You will wake up and roll over, and will become wet.”

“Hmmm… that’s not good, but it says here that it is 1.96cm – so at least I will be able to lie in it without touching the edges, because I am not as tall as that.”

“Yes, but that is from one edge to the other, you are not 2 dimensional so because your feet come up they will touch the edges and it won’t be comfortable.”

“Damn, well how much is a tent?”

“About $20. They have specials.”

That’s another job for me to do – find a tent. Once I get that I can become a full fledged volunteer – and my rent goes down to $0. That means my Centrelink can be cut off – and I won’t die.

And add the two potential jobs that have come up today.

“Well Kosta we are working with a Hong Kong company but they are getting clogged up,” my client – let’s call him Adam says, “so we need someone that can help us when they’re not available – also someone who can specialise in jobs like this.”

“Sure,” I say, to which the client then proceeds to mention the many jobs that are coming up.

Earlier in the day I had been watching a YouTube video on how to put up a tent.

The appointment with the Job Network Provider for intellectually disabled people is setup – on the same day as the psychologist – and I nearly forgot to mention.

I found a swag! Actually I have no idea what it is – but it looks like something that can be used to sleep in – I found it in the Woofer shed. Hopefully that can keep me warm. So I am making efforts to setup my home.

Once I setup a tent and work 6 days a week I can technically turn off the Centrelink tap.




GoDaddy Pro and the Straight Line System to Consistent Passive Income

A client pays me $450 per website – and that’s if I’m lucky and he doesn’t request a refund. This brings up a story for me that I’d like to share:

A friend of mine – a Christian friend – had invited me to a social group at his Christian friend’s house. I had been keen to go as I had met someone outside of Church who ran their own business in the lead generation space.

Anyway at this house I start speaking about my business – and this guy gave me the following advice – which I’ll never forget:

“Why don’t you setup a financing option for your business? Just charge them $99p/m for hosting and use the same host – then you can just get the residual passive income from that. Problem solved.”

Hmm… I thought – that makes a lot of sense – and is an irresistable offer to the client.

The client is all ready paying at least $8 – $300p/m in hosting anyway – without a developer. Now instead of paying that to the hosting company they pay that to lovely me – I can put that under my Shared Hosting and pocket that money on a consistent basis. And the client doesn’t have to worry about their website crashing, site update headaches become a thing of the past.

There are so many ways I can scare clients into this deal. Here are some to whet your appetite:

  • Keeping the client updated with the latest on page SEO to ensure their web page does not sink down in the ratings or get completely wiped out
  • Consultation on SEO implementations for free – I share my knowledge with you
  • No more paying $100 every time a change needs to be made, it’s all included as part of your hosting!
  • That includes images too
  • If your website is hacked – I ‘unhack’ it – no more developers leaving you out in the cold and spending a fortune to get your business back on track
  • If you’re seeing errors on the page to do with your hosting – just ping me on WhatsApp and I’ll look into it

On second thoughts those benefits sound pretty good – I may want to buy a website from myself.

This is my salvation – it solves all my problems. Not only will I get more clients but now I will have passive income to survive from the monthly recurring hosting.

Now what sounds better to you if you’re a client?

“I will build you a website, it will cost you $2,000 and you will have to pay half of it upfront”


“I will build you a website, I will setup hosting for you and the domain and look after it – that will cost $199p/m – as far as everything you want I will do it for free – and you just pay for the hosting.”

Pretty tempting offer right? Your business can then have that cash flow to do other things – it also relieves you of the fear that the work will be atrocious – because worst case scenario you’re only down $200.

So let’s talk about why I haven’t done this all ready

“Because you’re lazy Kosta! You’re a waste of space! Why are you even on this planet!!?? You should be strapped to a rocket and blasted off to space – hopefully you disintegrate before you reach orbit so the world doesn’t have to deal with recycling you.”

But now let’s talk about what would need to be in place for this to work:

  1. Credit Card Processing
    I would need to have a way of clients to pay me monthly for my services. Technically I could use PayPal since it has a subscriber option – or perhaps look at how to set this up on my site so it’s as easy as one two three. But the big thing is an ability for the client to agree to pay a certain amount each month.
  2. Contract Term
    There needs to be a contract put in place where basically the client agrees to certain terms.Woohoo!

    “Wow Kosta, let’s listen to rap about how all the girls want you and you are famous and successful.”

    Sorry, my manic side just kicked up – which it does when I start to think of practical solutions to getting off the Dole. So let’s continue.

  3. Setup web page to promote this service
    Right now I have an hourly payment option on my website of $45ph. However with this monthly payment option I need to setup a system where clients can apply online. There are multiple ways I can do this – as far as how far I want to take the automation of everything – suffice to say I should have a page for the hosting which is $49p/m – and then a website created service – which is $199p/m. This would require me writing out some copy – something I am very afraid of and will trigger my shame and manic spiral.Actually this entire section is a promotion section since the following would need to be done

    1. Update Gumtree ad
    2. Something else

Technically I would only need the first 2 – so I can have the system in place to put a client through.

If I do this it will make my income more stable – even having 2 clients on this system would be $400p/m – which would be $100p/w consistent income. In fact I would only need 9 clients on this system to replace my Centrelink income ($450p/w).

Now let’s see me procrastinate on this!




SEO Problems, WiFi Issues and Portfolio Anxiety and Lack of Direction with Project

Since I am always complaining I wanted to talk about some more things that I complain about – and that you read about (seriously though no one reads this blog – there’s like 7 visitors in the last 4 days).

SEO Problems

I’m off Google! Gone, wiped out, like I never existed.

Now if you type in my company name into Google it does come up – but otherwise my juicy money generating keywords are wiped out.

Now why was I removed from Google? The mystery deepends – but it could be related to an email that was sent to me from Google about an issue in my account. I don’t know why it was done – but it needs to be fixed.

Google actually sent me an email giving me a heads up that there is an issue – but I have been procrastinating actually reviewing the issue and finding out what to do about it – I may not only have to review it – but actually put up a question online on how to get this fixed – something that I don’t want to do – because it would mean showing that I’m not all wise – even though I’ll be posting under a pseudonym anyway.

But as far as getting off the dole – a high SEO presence is important to get clients and money coming in – as I have had clients come through the site that have been well paying.

WiFi Issues

It’s been very strange – as far as the WiFi issues are concerned. The upload speed at this village is HORRIBLE and shitty – but the download speed is good. This has meant that I have had to go into town to do certain upload tasks (like if I need to upload a huge file online) – and I felt very powerless when I would go up to the temple to try to get a 4G signal to use my phone as a hotspot only to get a 3G signal (and have to do all that walking).

Luckily this has not been an issue in the past if I am just developing WordPress sites and doing coding – but the last client has posed this challenge as I had to start a site from scratch and upload all the template files.

WiFi is a very triggering thing for me – my victim steps in and does a nice mental acrobatic stunt as follows:

“Look Kosta, you spent all that time getting motivated – and now you can’t even get the internet. Ugh, it’s so frustrating! What are you doing with yourself anyway? This is ridiculous – you’re not a real web developer. This is not normal – what is wrong with you? You’re running up to the temple to get WiFi – what do you think clients would think if they knew that? You don’t have an office – you’re not normal. This is all ridiculous. What’s the point of even trying – you’re motivated and now the WiFi doesn’t even work.”

That mentality overtakes me – and WiFi is definately a triggering situation – just like all technology – including my laptop giving me errors, crashing or being slow in any way. It all adds to my victim mentality:

“Oh look at what isn’t working now – just another issue! What is the point honestly. Let me look up some YouTube or porn.”

Portfolio Anxiety

Simply put I’m scared of my portfolio – I’ve been a developer for 11 years and I only have like 3-5 websites to show for it. Many of the sites are shut down – company going bankrupt – or I’m worried that the client will say negative things about me if they’re asked.

Everytime a client asks me to show him some portfolio items a shiver of anxiety runs through me – as I wonder if I will be “exposed” – as a lying, cheating, no good web developer – and that this will cause a further flutter of words as the whole of Sydney finds out about my “true” character.

Please don’t ask me to show you my portfolio – because I am embarassed – and I hope the question doesn’t come up about why I have so few items in my portfolio.

Lack of Direction in the Project

I am disempowered and feeling hopeless. The project that I am working on is not going as planned – things are not working and I feel like I am dissapointing the client – and it is hard for my ego to accept that I may not be doing everything perfectly.

Just recently the client had an issue with the content request document – and this has triggered me. I didn’t know where to go but I figured that out – but generally speaking things come up and it’s challenging and sometimes the negative head will start to buzz loudly. Keeping that in control is important.


All of these issues – if fixed – would lead me closer, not further away to getting off the dole.