Yesterday was a completely failure of a day. In the morning I had a cook come in and cook food for me in the morning. I then left to go the city – I missed out on the gym in the morning – and once again i lied to myself. A habit that I have gotten into – lying to myself about what I’m going to do.
I’d gotten back into that area where – and it’s hard to explain – I guess the best way to explain it is part overwhelm and part procrastination. It’s a bad position to be in and I had been in positions in the past where I would just get into that position for a long time.
A part of it was overextending myself – and it’s a delicate balance. Actually it all started when I stopped planning my days out – and instead just making it out to look like I’ve got my days planned when I talk to my wake up call lady. This has led to me writing goals and really – I mean getting out of whack as far as putting thought into what I’m doing.
For example – the hyper extending myself with writing 3 articles is a perfect example – there is a lot of things that I just need to get into a habit about – and writing is one of them – instead of trying to cram things in last minute. As far as writing 3 articles – it’s not that it’s impossible – it’s just I need to know my limitations.
And then the coming home early – I did stay in the city for a long time – and I was in a position where not much was being done – and unfortunately I caved and went home early. Of course I lied to myself once more saying I will work when I get home – and of course that didn’t happen.
Instead i started masturbating until night time.
The lying to myself is something that’s becoming very inbred – it’s becoming part of me and thankfully I have people that I can start becoming honest around – but it’s still challenging.
Thankfully I set some more realistic goals for myself today – all though i did masturbate in the morning – but waking up at 8am certainly helps.
Yesterday was a generally productive day. I fixed a PayPal issue – but not before losing my cook at a PayPal representative. Basically I think in the future I have to stop taking out my anger at call reps – and accept that nothing is really their fault – they’re just taking calls. So in the future I just need to get information and if I’m going to be frustrated I should just share it with the person in a friendly way – but never make them feel like they’re being blamed.
Also I should get as much information as possible – but ask if I can get a second opinion.
Then there was the late night pizza – not only did I pay almost $20 for it – I also felt my throat hurt in the middle of the night – which made me really angry. And then that anger spilled on the cook – which I rationalized in my mind should have put the food in the freezer. There’s a lot of anger I feel – and a lot of it is triggered by lack of food.
In the future I should stack up on Subways rather than pizzas – they’re fairly cheap if I get meatballs/chicken fillets – and will tide me over.
Finally even though i got almost everything done I didn’t call Westpac – which is weird – it’s almost like I need to not finish one item for the day. I need to be aware that as far as this Citizenship stuff goes – I’m always going to have anxiety about it – if I need to make a call I should get the number and have it in my email and then call it whenever I feel like it.
Yesterday was an entire day wasted – it all started with me sleeping in. Which in itself while an issue isn’t too major – only because I could always just get back into the city and work until the late evening since the Starbucks would be open late.
Unfortunately – after I packed my lunch and went into the city I tried to eat it only to find out it was off. From now on I need to have half my food stored in the freezer – it’s just not smart to have it in the fridge for 5+ days.
After the food was bad I had to leave the library right away because I was hungry – while I ate healthy food I just didn’t want to sit down at the Starbucks. In the future I think I should sit outside in McDonald’s where I could also sneak in healthy food like fruits and the like – and just meditate.
Unfortunately not much work was done – I just didn’t feel like being in the city – and I left early and went home – and ended up masturbating to porn. Not only that but I took a meal out of the freezer and put it on top of the fridge – and the whole place ended up smelling like the food. In the future I need to put stuff like that on a plate.
As far as masturbation at night I really need a late night ritual – and really I need a ritual when I don’t feel like doing anything in the city. Like for example – playing some games on Steam – that might be something to look into – or leaving your backpack and perhaps hitting the gym and talking to some girls. Anything other than just walking around aimlessly.
And as far as coming home early – reading a book while watching some dude walk through New York City might be just what the doctor ordered.
Yesterday I looked up porn both in the morning and night. While I did look up a video of a person just walking around Japan – finding videos that are light on the mind is difficult. Speaking of videos – I do have YouTube Movies – however it is difficult to find a good movie. I should really create a playlist of videos that do not tax the mind whatsoever. Also I should look into getting Stan – which will double my potential movie viewership – Stan is $10 per month – so it’s a decent deal – because every movie I buy on YouTube will be about $5.99. But the playlist is also a good idea.
Here’s a great channel to relax to:
I did get a bunch of stuff finished for the supermarket client yesterday – and then after making a call to another client I started with my PBN service. I think the big issue is making time for my own stuff – and not letting someone else dictate it just because they’re a potentially big client – and setting very clear expectations.
In the future I could say – look I have 2 hours available tomorrow. I think the best way to do this is to do a bunch of work up front to prove you are competent and get the client locked in with you – and then establish boundaries for how much you’re willing to work during the day.
The masturbation in the morning and night – well that has been an issue for a long time. But I believe it has something to do with eating shitty food in the city. Basically it started with a packet of chips and then led to pancakes – and I knew it was shit food – but I still felt I had to eat it after I ordered it.
In the future you need to feel comfortable to throw about bad food if you have the realisation it’s bad food – even after you order it. The other thing is heavy content from TV – realistically speaking I should be focused on my work and not have the Chromecast playing in the background -it’s just distracting.
At least I did get to create PBN links for 4 clients – all though it’s something that really needs to start getting outsourced. I need to start creating a Wiki/guide on how to do it – perhaps Evernote might be a solution – or should it be Microsoft Office – or does it really matter?
Finally I need to have tasty food in my room’s fridge – oh and I need to pay rent – but as far as good food goes – strawberries with cream or something you know? Also a small hand towel inside a box of cold water – this can also be microwaved for different sensations.
Yesterday I looked up porn in the morning – all though I was quite busy with finishing up a project for a client. And when I came home I looked up interesting videos and relaxed. One thing I noticed – the Chromecast definately helps me look up less porn. It’s the morning that is a challenge.
I did call up a personal trainer and found out that I can get a 30 minute training session for $50. This is a nice option that I can take advantage of to help me when I am stressed out with clients or issues and to let some energy down. Technically I could just train on my own also – but having someone that’s really going to push me – and more importantly the $50 isn’t so much just to train me – but it’s also to get me on the right step – it comes out to $200 per month for a once a week training session. Small price to pay but the idea is that it will give me guidance.
I did work until the evening – so that was positive. However I did drop the ball on other clients. I think the thing with this client that came through – but I really need to set expectations with what can be achieved and how long it will take – basically I can block out time for a client but then sit back and relax.
Also I allowed the client to really impose on my time and my habits – while I did get paid quickly – so I did get paid money – in the future this is only a short term strategy.
Yesterday my motivation was going down low – there was not that much going on. After this legal situation I’ve been feeling a bit low on my business – luckily yesterday I had a project come through that reminded me why I like my work. That kept me busy in the evening.
However I know soon I will be coming back down to Earth once this project is finished. Burnout is always around the corner – and I was smart enough to go to the sauna yesterday and unwind – even though it did cost me $20. And having a tasty meal afterwards with the microwave was great too. Fitness First is actually a great place to work. I really need to start looking for a personal trainer… Snap Fitness has low grade personal trainers. But perhaps I could find someone that can get me to the level I need to be at – personal training at Snap Fitness is something I should at least look into.
I think a big ass gym session followed by a massage or something is awesome you know. Great way to detox.
Yesterday I had a complete breakdown in motivation – I ended up having a nap at the library. I also got very obsessed with this white Park guy – and his phone calls – and trying to prove him wrong in my mind. I have to accept that this guy will never see things my way and is an absolute nightmare – and I have to stop him from draining my energy. And the best way is to completely ignore him.
In the future I have to identify people that I simply can’t communicate with and limit the amount of access they have to me.
I can see how much phone calls I would have with Park – and the reality is something was very irritating with the way I spoke to him. That’s why I need to set some rules for myself and clients moving forward to avoid situations like this – and this includes:
- Site is not to upload plugins or do any SEO work while I am working on their site – anything they need done please forward through to me
- I am entirely responsible for a client’s SEO results and thus have the power to
- Client is to provide all information I request – should information or requests not be followed the project will stop until that request is fulfilled
But really – as far as not letting things come to this level – you need to speak about issues that come up early – and this is something I didn’t do with this client.
Anyway this is the last time I will mention this.
As far as motivation goes – well my motivation is decreasing – today I’m going to go and sit in a sauna.
Today – focus on making progress and helping people.