No Productivity, Going Home Early, Masturbating Until Night Time

Yesterday was a completely failure of a day. In the morning I had a cook come in and cook food for me in the morning. I then left to go the city – I missed out on the gym in the morning – and once again i lied to myself. A habit that I have gotten into – lying to myself about what I’m going to do.

I’d gotten back into that area where – and it’s hard to explain – I guess the best way to explain it is part overwhelm and part procrastination. It’s a bad position to be in and I had been in positions in the past where I would just get into that position for a long time.

A part of it was overextending myself – and it’s a delicate balance. Actually it all started when I stopped planning my days out – and instead just making it out to look like I’ve got my days planned when I talk to my wake up call lady. This has led to me writing goals and really – I mean getting out of whack as far as putting thought into what I’m doing.

For example – the hyper extending myself with writing 3 articles is a perfect example – there is a lot of things that I just need to get into a habit about – and writing is one of them – instead of trying to cram things in last minute. As far as writing 3 articles – it’s not that it’s impossible – it’s just I need to know my limitations.

And then the coming home early – I did stay in the city for a long time – and I was in a position where not much was being done – and unfortunately I caved and went home early. Of course I lied to myself once more saying I will work when I get home – and of course that didn’t happen.

Instead i started masturbating until night time.

The lying to myself is something that’s becoming very inbred – it’s becoming part of me and thankfully I have people that I can start becoming honest around – but it’s still challenging.

Thankfully I set some more realistic goals for myself today – all though i did masturbate in the morning – but waking up at 8am certainly helps.


Productive Day, Pizza and Throat Hurt, Anger at Cook and in General, Irritation at PayPal, Not Calling Westpac

Yesterday was a generally productive day. I fixed a PayPal issue – but not before losing my cook at a PayPal representative. Basically I think in the future I have to stop taking out my anger at call reps – and accept that nothing is really their fault – they’re just taking calls. So in the future I just need to get information and if I’m going to be frustrated I should just share it with the person in a friendly way – but never make them feel like they’re being blamed.

Also I should get as much information as possible – but ask if I can get a second opinion.

Then there was the late night pizza – not only did I pay almost $20 for it – I also felt my throat hurt in the middle of the night – which made me really angry. And then that anger spilled on the cook – which I rationalized in my mind should have put the food in the freezer. There’s a lot of anger I feel – and a lot of it is triggered by lack of food.

In the future I should stack up on Subways rather than pizzas – they’re fairly cheap if I get meatballs/chicken fillets – and will tide me over.

Finally even though i got almost everything done I didn’t call Westpac – which is weird – it’s almost like I need to not finish one item for the day. I need to be aware that as far as this Citizenship stuff goes – I’m always going to have anxiety about it – if I need to make a call I should get the number and have it in my email and then call it whenever I feel like it.

Entire Day Wasted, Sleeping In, Food That’s Off, Lost Soul, Masturbation at Night

Yesterday was an entire day wasted – it all started with me sleeping in. Which in itself while an issue isn’t too major – only because I could always just get back into the city and work until the late evening since the Starbucks would be open late.

Unfortunately – after I packed my lunch and went into the city I tried to eat it only to find out it was off. From now on I need to have half my food stored in the freezer – it’s just not smart to have it in the fridge for 5+ days.

After the food was bad I had to leave the library right away because I was hungry – while I ate healthy food I just didn’t want to sit down at the Starbucks. In the future I think I should sit outside in McDonald’s where I could also sneak in healthy food like fruits and the like – and just meditate.

Unfortunately not much work was done – I just didn’t feel like being in the city – and I left early and went home – and ended up masturbating to porn. Not only that but I took a meal out of the freezer and put it on top of the fridge – and the whole place ended up smelling like the food. In the future I need to put stuff like that on a plate.

As far as masturbation at night I really need a late night ritual – and really I need a ritual when I don’t feel like doing anything in the city. Like for example – playing some games on Steam – that might be something to look into – or leaving your backpack and perhaps hitting the gym and talking to some girls. Anything other than just walking around aimlessly.

And as far as coming home early – reading a book while watching some dude walk through New York City might be just what the doctor ordered.

Bad McDonald’s Food, Coffee and Lack of Energy, No Gym, PBN setup at laptop and porn lookup

Yesterday I looked up porn both in the morning and night. While I did look up a video of a person just walking around Japan – finding videos that are light on the mind is difficult. Speaking of videos – I do have YouTube Movies – however it is difficult to find a good movie. I should really create a playlist of videos that do not tax the mind whatsoever. Also I should look into getting Stan – which will double my potential movie viewership – Stan is $10 per month – so it’s a decent deal – because every movie I buy on YouTube will be about $5.99. But the playlist is also a good idea.

Here’s a great channel to relax to:

I did get a bunch of stuff finished for the supermarket client yesterday – and then after making a call to another client I started with my PBN service. I think the big issue is making time for my own stuff – and not letting someone else dictate it just because they’re a potentially big client – and setting very clear expectations.

In the future I could say – look I have 2 hours available tomorrow. I think the best way to do this is to do a bunch of work up front to prove you are competent and get the client locked in with you – and then establish boundaries for how much you’re willing to work during the day.

The masturbation in the morning and night – well that has been an issue for a long time. But I believe it has something to do with eating shitty food in the city. Basically it started with a packet of chips and then led to pancakes – and I knew it was shit food – but I still felt I had to eat it after I ordered it.

In the future you need to feel comfortable to throw about bad food if you have the realisation it’s bad food – even after you order it. The other thing is heavy content from TV – realistically speaking I should be focused on my work and not have the Chromecast playing in the background -it’s just distracting.

At least I did get to create PBN links for 4 clients – all though it’s something that really needs to start getting outsourced. I need to start creating a Wiki/guide on how to do it – perhaps Evernote might be a solution – or should it be Microsoft Office – or does it really matter?

Finally I need to have tasty food in my room’s fridge – oh and I need to pay rent – but as far as good food goes – strawberries with cream or something you know? Also a small hand towel inside a box of cold water – this can also be microwaved for different sensations.

Looking up Porn in the Morning, Trainer Enquiry, Finishing up Cool Pop Up App,

Yesterday I looked up porn in the morning – all though I was quite busy with finishing up a project for a client. And when I came home I looked up interesting videos and relaxed. One thing I noticed – the Chromecast definately helps me look up less porn. It’s the morning that is a challenge.

I did call up a personal trainer and found out that I can get a 30 minute training session for $50. This is a nice option that I can take advantage of to help me when I am stressed out with clients or issues and to let some energy down. Technically I could just train on my own also – but having someone that’s really going to push me – and more importantly the $50 isn’t so much just to train me – but it’s also to get me on the right step – it comes out to $200 per month for a once a week training session. Small price to pay but the idea is that it will give me guidance.

I did work until the evening – so that was positive. However I did drop the ball on other clients. I think the thing with this client that came through – but I really need to set expectations with what can be achieved and how long it will take – basically I can block out time for a client but then sit back and relax.

Also I allowed the client to really impose on my time and my habits – while I did get paid quickly – so I did get paid money – in the future this is only a short term strategy.

Sauna, Working on Supermarket Project, First Plugin, Nothing Exciting On

Yesterday my motivation was going down low – there was not that much going on. After this legal situation I’ve been feeling a bit low on my business – luckily yesterday I had a project come through that reminded me why I like my work. That kept me busy in the evening.

However I know soon I will be coming back down to Earth once this project is finished. Burnout is always around the corner – and I was smart enough to go to the sauna yesterday and unwind – even though it did cost me $20. And having a tasty meal afterwards with the microwave was great too. Fitness First is actually a great place to work. I really need to start looking for a personal trainer… Snap Fitness has low grade personal trainers. But perhaps I could find someone that can get me to the level I need to be at – personal training at Snap Fitness is something I should at least look into.

I think a big ass gym session followed by a massage or something is awesome you know. Great way to detox.

Complete Breakdown of Motivation and Energy – and Court Obsession

Yesterday I had a complete breakdown in motivation – I ended up having a nap at the library. I also got very obsessed with this white Park guy – and his phone calls – and trying to prove him wrong in my mind. I have to accept that this guy will never see things my way and is an absolute nightmare – and I have to stop him from draining my energy. And the best way is to completely ignore him.

In the future I have to identify people that I simply can’t communicate with and limit the amount of access they have to me.

I can see how much phone calls I would have with Park – and the reality is something was very irritating with the way I spoke to him. That’s why I need to set some rules for myself and clients moving forward to avoid situations like this – and this includes:

  1. Site is not to upload plugins or do any SEO work while I am working on their site – anything they need done please forward through to me
  2. I am entirely responsible for a client’s SEO results and thus have the power to
  3. Client is to provide all information I request – should information or requests not be followed the project will stop until that request is fulfilled

But really – as far as not letting things come to this level – you need to speak about issues that come up early – and this is something I didn’t do with this client.

Anyway this is the last time I will mention this.

As far as motivation goes – well my motivation is decreasing – today I’m going to go and sit in a sauna.

Today – focus on making progress and helping people.